Vigils, Funerals, and Wakes: Understanding the Differences in End-of-Life Traditions
When I first stepped into the deathcare space, I encountered a word I’d never paid much attention to before: vigil. At first, I thought, Isn’t it just another type of funeral? But as I learned more, I realized it’s far more than that. Today, we’re getting into the differences between vigils, funerals, living funerals, and wakes—a journey into the heartwarming traditions that honor life in a myriad of ways.
A Shared Purpose, Different Paths
Though these rituals differ in form, they all share the same underlying purpose: to provide a space for connection, remembrance, and love. What sets them apart are the timing, cultural influences, and the intentions behind them.
What is a Vigil?
A vigil is an intimate gathering, typically held in the final moments or days of someone’s life. Unlike funerals or wakes, which are centered on mourning and remembrance after death, a vigil often happens in the presence of the dying.
These gatherings are small and deeply personal, often attended by immediate family or a close circle of loved ones. The setting is intentionally designed to feel comfortable and home-like, free of unnecessary medical equipment, unless absolutely needed. A doula or trusted family friend may help create a calming and supportive atmosphere.
Vigils are moments of quiet contemplation, love, and togetherness. They might include shared memories, eulogies, or even a small festivity—whatever best reflects the wishes of the dying. There’s no right or wrong way to hold a vigil. The focus is on creating a space of peace and comfort for everyone involved.
What is a Wake?
A wake, on the other hand, is typically held after someone has passed. Traditionally rooted in Irish and Catholic customs, wakes were originally held to keep watch over the deceased, ensuring they were truly at rest. Today, they have evolved into a gathering where loved ones come together to honor the deceased, often through storytelling, prayers, and shared memories.
Unlike a vigil, which is more contemplative and intimate, a wake is usually a larger, more social event. It serves as an opportunity for extended family and friends to offer their condolences, celebrate the life of the departed, and support the grieving family. The tone can range from somber to celebratory, depending on the culture and the family’s wishes.
What About Funerals?
Most of us are familiar with traditional funerals, which are often more structured and formal. They usually involve a ceremony—religious or secular—to honor the deceased, followed by the burial or cremation. Funerals focus on providing closure and celebrating a life well-lived, and they often include rituals, music, and eulogies to pay tribute.
We’ll explore funerals in greater depth another day, but it’s important to note that they often follow or are preceded by a vigil or wake, depending on cultural and personal preferences.
Living Funerals: A Unique Twist
While not as common, living funerals are a beautiful way to celebrate someone’s life while they’re still here to enjoy it. These gatherings give the individual a chance to hear the stories, love, and gratitude that are often shared only after someone has passed. It’s a way to honor their life in real time.
Honoring Life in All Its Forms
The beauty of these traditions is that there’s no one-size-fits-all approach. Vigils, wakes, funerals, and even living funerals are deeply personal and can be tailored to reflect the values, culture, and wishes of the individual and their loved ones.
At their core, these rituals remind us of the power of connection—of coming together to celebrate, mourn, and honor the unbreakable bonds of love. Whether it’s a quiet vigil, a lively wake, or a heartfelt funeral, the focus is always on the profound beauty of life and the legacy we leave behind.