Creating a Nest
Creating a “nest” while caring for the dying is one of the most profound ways to foster comfort and peace during the end-of-life journey. Inspired by the principles outlined in the book Death Nesting by Anne-Marie Keppel, this blog will explore how creating a sacred, nurturing space can ease the emotional and physical transition for both the dying and their loved ones.
What is a “Nest” in End-of-Life Care?
In Death Nesting, Keppel emphasizes the concept of making the space around a dying person a sanctuary of support, calm, and love. A nest is not just a physical space; it’s also an emotional atmosphere that invites stillness, acceptance, and care. For the dying individual, this nest becomes a cradle in which they can feel safe, honored, and dignified.
Why Create a Nest?
The journey of dying is as much emotional and spiritual as it is physical. By creating a nest, caregivers—whether professionals like death doulas or family members—can help soften the experience for everyone involved. A nest helps:
Reduce Anxiety: A serene, curated environment can alleviate some of the fear and discomfort that may arise in the final days or hours.
Provide Comfort: A nest is tailored to the individual’s specific needs, ensuring physical comfort while addressing emotional and spiritual support.
Facilitate Connection: For loved ones, being in an intentional, nurturing space allows for deeper connection, meaningful conversations, and peaceful presence.
How to Create a Nest
Creating a death nest is about combining the practical with the spiritual. Here are some elements to consider, drawn from Death Nesting and enhanced by the experience of being a death doula:
Soften the Space: Use soft blankets, pillows, or even their favorite pieces of clothing. Touch is a powerful form of communication at the end of life. Keep the room warm and comfortable, with textures and fabrics that soothe the skin.
Sensory Comfort: Play gentle music or sounds of nature to create a peaceful auditory environment. Light candles or use soft, dim lighting to promote tranquility. Consider using essential oils like lavender to promote relaxation, but always check for sensitivities.
Personalize the Space: Incorporate personal items that reflect the dying person’s life. Family photos, beloved objects, or spiritual symbols can remind them of who they are and what they value. These items create a bridge between their current state and the life they’ve lived.
Create Rituals: Rituals, even small ones, can have a powerful grounding effect. Lighting a candle at a specific time of day, reading favorite passages from books, or simply holding space in silence can help both the dying person and their loved ones cope with the transition.
Mind the Senses: Engage the senses beyond sight and sound. Offer cool water to moisten lips, smooth hands with lotion, or bring flowers that have a favorite scent. These simple acts of care engage the body in ways that make the dying process feel more humane and intimate.
Honor Their Wishes: A critical aspect of creating a nest is respecting the dying person’s preferences. Some may want quiet, others may enjoy the bustle of family and friends visiting. Adapt the space to their unique personality and needs, understanding that their preferences may shift as the end nears.
The Emotional Nest
In Death Nesting, Keppel also discusses the importance of emotional presence and non-verbal communication. As a death doula, one of your most important roles is to hold space. Sitting quietly, offering your calm presence, or even gently guiding loved ones on how to be present can contribute to an emotional nest of support.
Encouraging loved ones to express their emotions, whether through words, touch, or simply being there, is part of this emotional nest. You can also lead them through practices of mindfulness or breathing exercises to anchor them in the moment and help them cope with feelings of overwhelm.
Nesting for Caregivers
It’s important not to forget the caregivers themselves, who are also part of this process. The nest isn’t just for the dying person, but for their loved ones too. Encourage family members to create their own nurturing spaces—whether it’s a corner in the room for quiet reflection or a spot outside where they can rest, breathe, and recharge.
As a death doula, you can also guide caregivers to “nest” emotionally for themselves. Remind them to take time for self-care, whether through short breaks, journaling, or sharing their feelings with a supportive listener.
The Lasting Impact of a Death Nest
When we care for the dying, we are also caring for the living. Creating a nest can provide comfort, peace, and a sacred space that transforms the dying process into something meaningful and intentional. It allows both the person transitioning and their loved ones to move through this experience with more grace, connection, and closure.
Drawing inspiration from Death Nesting, we see that the way we care for the environment around the dying is just as important as the physical care we offer. As a death doula, helping to create this nest is one of the most powerful gifts you can offer—transforming a room into a sanctuary of love, connection, and acceptance.
In the end, this simple yet profound act can ease the transition for all involved, leaving behind a sense of peace that lingers long after the final breath.